The perhaps of this thread is to allow me to get some feedback regarding my story before I begin writing. I know there’s a few Persona fans on these boards and over trying to explain individually to each one about the plot, I figured I’d just make a thread dedicated to it since I’d like some feedback regarding it. Also, if they are curious about having a character based upon themselves, I figured I would give a sample of my biography layout that I use for my main characters. (And naturally, anyone can join.)
I apologize in advance if the following seems very rough…because it is. But any feedback is appreciated.
What is the purpose of a dream…? Is it simply the mind continuing to work while one slumbers or is it trying to reveal a hidden secret of the soul? For one young man, his dreams had faded long ago and were replaced with nightmares. Each nightmare seemed to be the same. He would find himself surrounded with an elderly man calling out his name as an empty pistol sat before him. Over the years, his dreams soon became violent to the point where he would wake with a coat of glistening cold sweat and be covered with cuts and bruises.
After one nightmare becomes so violent to send him to the hospital, his therapist recommends he joins a six-month long dream study to see if he cannot find out more about them. After transferring to a new high school and settling into his new, temporary foster home…He begins to see other humans in his dreams. In particular, a young woman who saves him after summoning a creature by shooting herself. He grows more confused and frightened of his nightmares but things only get worse when he realizes that an older student matches the “dream girl’s” description and more may go bump in the night than he ever could have imagined.
I have not yet come up with a name regarding the city for I’m not sure what exactly I want. I know that I do not want it to be a large city like in Persona 3, nor do I want it to be as small of a town as Inaba. If anything, it will be medium sized with the university- the place hosting the dream study - as its main pride and joy. The high school is second.
Needless to say, psychology is what this city is about.
I also have not yet decided on if I want this to be an Americanized version with American names or keep it Japanese. Thoughts on that?
Kleitman University: Named after Nathaniel Keitman (a researcher who discovered REM); the university specializes in psychology majors and often hosts multiple studies for research purposes in order to better understand the human mind
Aserinsky High School: Named after Eugene Aserinsky (a graduate student who helped discover REM); just a typical high school that tends to have its students be more interested in the arts, psychology, and science over other career choices
Lucid: The name given by the students to the “dream world” that many find themselves trapped in at night; named after the concept of a lucid dream
Persona: The visual representation of a person’s “true” self; a “creature” that can be summoned to aid the dreamer in an attack
Shadows: The name given to the creatures seen in Lucid; it’s believed they are representations of a person’s inner thoughts, fears, and desires that have become deadly from years of suppression by the human mind
Evoker: A pistol that always appears in Lucid; it seems to cause no visual harm to the user though does put the spirit and mind under pressure causing the Persona to reveal itself
(Needs a name): An underground “organization” created by the students of both the university and high school and (the Oneirologist hosting the study, needs a name still); they discover and collect research regarding Lucid and the Shadows with hopes of being able to help others who suffer from these nightmares
Igor: A strange, elderly man who seems to be untraceable; he often seems to summon students randomly when in Lucid; is always visited in a blue velvet room with a beautiful woman
Least Favorite Class: